depressed.

I spent an hour or so journaling this morning over coffee breakfast and just wanted to burst out crying so desperately. I just want my anorexic body back, infact I want to be thinner than that. I hate myself, I hate the way I look. I hate my flesh. I want it off of me so badly. I wrote about how pathetic I am and how I feel as though I am no where close to the end of my battl

e with hating myself, that how I have always felt and still do that my life will be tragic and I will die young and you know what, if these feelings keep on keeping on, it wouldn't surprise me if I ended it. I am not in that head space to actually hurt myself now but I just can't imagine feeling so absolutely worthless for ever. I haven't felt this low in years and it's scary and yet just the slightest bit comforting. I have locked myself in my room since 7, hiding from my hunger. Please god let me loose a pound for tomorrow. Please.