Tuesday Thinspiration

Some of my original Thinspo

I started collecting Thinspo when I was 14 or 15 and this MK&A milk add was the first piece I was obsessed over!!

Late Night Thinspo

It actually freaked me out how little I ate today. It's been awhile since I ate so little and did so much. Proud.

Thinspo

Feeling overly strong right now. I am scared to eat lunch but know that I have to since I am going to work tonight and I don't want to have to eat at work.

Relapse?

So I have been eating disordered since I was 7 years old and have had relapses in and out since my first hospitalization in 2005. It's weird, cuz sometimes I plan to relapse and it doesn't really happen the way I plan and recovery kinda takes over before I want it to. Have any of you ever experienced that? Anywho, I really want to start loosing serious weight and get back into the groove again. I don't know if it will pan out that way, but I feel like it could. This is the first time since I was 4 years old that i haven't been in school and next week is my birthday, so clearly I am having some serious issues coming to terms with the fact that school is over and looking for a big girl job and trying to move and figuring out how to be a person is killing me and everything I have been afraid of since I was born. Anywho, ED seems like the only reasonable option, at least for now. We will see. But right now I want some thinspiration... PS, all these pics came from http://sk1nnylove.blogspot.com, who has some gorgeous photos.

This time of year

This time of year is always harder for me. It makes me want to bundle up in excessive layers while I whittle away my body in secret. I love fall and winter because it makes the bones less obvious. You can really give ed all that you have without having to worry about people seeing your elbows and your shoulders. It's a luxury that I inted to enjoy.

I did well today. I am trying to stop baking as much since I tend to eat too much batter. I am going to try to lock myself in my room more so therefore I cannot bake and be in danger of eating more than I should. I feel a new devotion to ed. Recovery was getting the best of me again, but I feel as though ed is back on, and it's a welcome change of pace.

I miss being skinny

I've been embracing recovery a bit and in exchange I have HORRIBLE body image. I just wanna pull the flesh off of me. It's driving me nuts. I hate it. So much. Ugh. I just wanna look sick again. I just wanna be at my lowest weight.