Relapse?

So I have been eating disordered since I was 7 years old and have had relapses in and out since my first hospitalization in 2005. It's weird, cuz sometimes I plan to relapse and it doesn't really happen the way I plan and recovery kinda takes over before I want it to. Have any of you ever experienced that? Anywho, I really want to start loosing serious weight and get back into the groove again. I don't know if it will pan out that way, but I feel like it could. This is the first time since I was 4 years old that i haven't been in school and next week is my birthday, so clearly I am having some serious issues coming to terms with the fact that school is over and looking for a big girl job and trying to move and figuring out how to be a person is killing me and everything I have been afraid of since I was born. Anywho, ED seems like the only reasonable option, at least for now. We will see. But right now I want some thinspiration... PS, all these pics came from http://sk1nnylove.blogspot.com, who has some gorgeous photos.